I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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