Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
