I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
