Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
