let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
