Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
