you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
