That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
