Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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