found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
