Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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