Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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