whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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