i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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