the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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