Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
