Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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