omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
