i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
