when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
