just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
