He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone says I win the strip club
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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