He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
