hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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