So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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