I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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