omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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