Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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