Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
