Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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