I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
