I should be sponsored by Trojan
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
