I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
