party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
