By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
