clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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