i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
