Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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