Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize