I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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