Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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