You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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