whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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