This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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