Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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