In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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