false alarm. still invincible.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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