Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's never too late to be topless.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
