pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
