If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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