Christians are straight up FREAKS
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
