dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I would ride that face into the sunset
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
