Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
