Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sext me about skeletons
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
