So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
