Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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