What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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