you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
