i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
