We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
