I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
