would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
