i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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