What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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