Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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