Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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