That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize