i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
