Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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