Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
