I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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