im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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