I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
