Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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