as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
