Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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