Just fell off a train. Bad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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