Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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