if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just had sex bonerless
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
