It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
