I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
