Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
