So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
