I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
