what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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