chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
