Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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